How to go from obsessing about your body to loving your beautiful soul

Why do we obsess about our bodies?  By 2030, half of Americans will be obese. And…. No matter their current size or weight, 91% of college aged women are dissatisfied with their bodies  and  22% of men aged 18-24 no matter their size are dissatisfied with their bodies because they are not muscular enough or not big enough. As  a licensed mental health counselor, I feel we have not just a health crisis, but a mental health crisis of body obsession and body hatred of what we should call.... epic proportions.  

Today we cover two ways to change your thinking.
 #1 Worry, Wisdom, Worth   
#2 Pick One Inspired Goal.

Transcript

How to go from Obsessing about your Body to Loving Your Beautiful Soul part 1

Health is on the Happiness Ladder and one of the six strengths that matter most. Are we grateful for our bodies?  Do they bring us happiness?   ……...that’s just not the case.  Here three three studies with their statistics that blended together should alarm, horrify and frighten you.  A study published in The NE Journal of Medicine estimates by 2030, half of Americans will be obese.(December 19, 2019 N Engl J Med 2019; 381:2440-2450 DOI: 10.1056/NEJMsa1909301)  And…. No matter their current size or weight, 91% of college aged women are dissatisfied with their bodies  (Noordenbos, G., Oldenhave, A., Muschter, J., & Terpstra, N. (2002). Characteristics and treatment of patients with chronic eating disorders. Eating Disorders, 10(1), 15–29) and  22% of men aged 18-24 no matter their size are dissatisfied with their bodies because they are not muscular enough or not big enough. As  a licensed mental health counselor, I feel we have not just a health crisis, but a mental health crisis of body obsession and body hatred of epic proportions.  

Here’s an example how shame talk, disgust of my body  led me to a fat phobia

So, I have a Norwegian part of me I call “Osta Hoga.” Osta Hoga is my negative voice, the natural woman part of me.  Osta Hoga is Norwegian for “Cheese Hog.”

 I love cheese. Some Norwegians are amazing people who inspire us to live better lives. My fourth great grandparents are Helga Knudsdatter and Eric Hogan who immigrated from Telemark, Norway to Salt Lake City, Utah.  Amazing people like Edvard Greig, the great composer, and Leif Erickson the great explorer, and Thor alias Chris Hemsworth, the great…..looking. But not Osta, this part of me is  just great at eating cheese and getting fat.  

I struggled with my weight all through high school and college. About age 30 I felt impressed to try WW(™).  Back then it was called Weight Watchers.  I was allowed 30 points a day, and the easiest thing to do was take one of their frozen meals for lunch. I really followed the rules for six months and lost 20 lbs. It was working really well. I said, “Hooray, I’ve found the path to health and I’m sticking to it.” But then I went back to normal eating, and slid off that path. So, a year later I joined again. 

This time was harder, why? I was allowing myself more cheating. I didn’t keep the rules. I cheated, I rationalized.

Also there was a big problem looming on the horizon. The Cinnabon(™) store stood next to the WW(™) building. Why do they allow that? I promised myself because I’m logical and I’m committed, “I will be strong! I will pass the Cinnabon door and go weigh in at the meeting.” 

My policy was to park as far as possible from Cinnabon so I would not have to cross over to get to WW(™). But one day it rained, and all the safe spots were taken. The smells of cinnamon and butter-drenched rolls tantalized my olfactory and compelled my arm to open the door.

Osta Hoga, who is neither logical nor committed, said, “Oh! Loook at dose pecans svimming in the car-a-mel. You can eat dat Cin-na-bon. Just vash it down vith a diet Dr. Pepper. Voila! No points.”

When I weighed in, the woman at the scales said, “Uh, you've got a pecan stuck in the caramel on your cheek.” She was accustomed to losers like me. I mean gainers.

Her eyes said, “You gained weight again? You really blew it. Why are you wasting your money? How about a frozen WW(™) meal to get back on track?”

Osta Hoga said, “Oh. Nei, Nei! Tiny frrrozen deenners. Bah! Just call dem vhat they are: ah pe ti zers.”  

Then I felt like a career chubby and a failure. 

I decided to try Slim Fast(™). I blendered a powdered protein shake with strawberries for two meals and then ate a “sensible” dinner. Osta Hoga screamed, “Oh. Nei Nei! If I can’t chew, I vill die.  All I’ve eaten all day is some powder.”

Slim Fast(™) offers a quick reward, it’s very motivating to lose two to five pounds a week.   Unfortunately, you start feeling deprived, and it’s not sustainable. Too many people are addicted to actually chewing their food.

I started a very popular app called “My Fitness Pal(™).” It's really good psychology to be accountable and log your intake on your phone. Also you restrict calories, and my goal was 1500 calories a day.

If I get fatigued when I’m writing or doing homework. I need my drugs to stay alert, so I have an emergency supply of king-size Dove(™) chocolate bars. I’m sensible and conscious that I only have 200 of my 1500 calories left for the day. I lay out two squares of chocolate, and because chocolate tastes better with fruits and nuts, six crasins, and two pecans.  Then I dutifully hide the bags in the pantry because I’m done. That’s 200 calories and that’s it. Finished. No more.

But after 15 minutes, Osta Hoga isn’t happy with “done.”

She says, “Oh. Nei Nei! Dere’s a cosmic imbalance in yourrr mouth, yoo need morre crrraisins.”

And I realize oh yeah she's right, I felt that same disparity of the universe at Thanksgiving when I had a little hill of mashed potatoes begging for another dab of gravy.

Osta Hoga can’t stop with a pervasive tang of craisins on her palate. “Yoo need morrrre nuts! All de flavors must mix prroperly in de mouth to brring equilibrium to de uni-veerse.”

So I pull out the nuts from their hiding place in the pantry. Then, I’m trying to concentrate on my computer.

Osta whines, “Oh. Nei Nei! Morre choc-o-late! Intergalactic peace thrrrough da choc-o-late.”

After three attempts at hiding my food so I’ll stop eating, I find I’ve eaten an entire chocolate bar which is 510 calories, and 680 calories of pecans and craisins. Dang. That’s almost my whole day of calories.

        I’m such a failure. Giving in to my natural woman inside, Osta Hoga, has left me feeling hopeless and depressed. I need help.  So I do some scholarly research. I want to find out how these media queens are getting skinny. That led me down a rabbit hole of shocking you-tube videos on anorexia.  So I ask google who is the most beautiful woman?

Of course this week’s choice is a super skinny woman called Zendaya. We just love thin.  And there’s much discussion online whether she’s anorexic or just starves herself or if she’s genetically thin and what she does or does not eat.  And finally to this Tweet by Julie Klausner:  "I will never stop criticizing celebs who perpetuate dangerous beauty standards for a generation of girls who grow up thinking they are fat.” ….  Eventually Google led me to European eating disorders review, a scholarly journal. 

 That’s where I ran into the statistic that over 90% of women hate their bodies. Researchers showed women silhouettes of bodies and asked them what was their current body size and what was their preferred silhouette.  In a sample of over five thousand women 90% in the 25-34 group and 93% in the 35-44 age group wanted a more slender silhouette. (Runfola, C. D., Von Holle, A., Trace, S. E., Brownley, K. A., Hofmeier, S. M., Gagne, D. A., & Bulik, C. M. (2013). Body dissatisfaction in women across the lifespan: results of the UNC-SELF and Gender and Body Image (GABI) studies. European eating disorders review : the journal of the Eating Disorders Association, 21(1), 52–59. https://doi.org/10.1002/erv.2201)

As a mental health professional that is extremely alarming to me.  If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love your spouse, you can’t love God.  So what’s the answer for all this epidemic of depression and self-loathing  that over 90% of women feel about their bodies?  It’s good to want to be healthy and to optimize our bodies with wise eating and appropriate exercise, but how to stop this trend of obsession, to think our bodies are everything.  The Obsession can easily become almost a possession where a person can’t eat.  10,200 deaths each year are the direct result of an eating disorder, that’s one death every 52 minutes How to stop the obsession over being thin?(Deloitte Access Economics. The Social and Economic Cost of Eating Disorders in the United States of America: A Report for the Strategic Training Initiative for the Prevention of Eating Disorders and the Academy for Eating Disorders. June 2020. Available at: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/striped/report-economic-costs-of-eating-disorders/.)

In the 29 years I’ve been a counselor and helping people get their mind right, I’m going to give you an answer that is the best of both Psychology and Spirituality.  How do we get our minds right and beat this body obsession, this body disgust that turns to hatred? 

Jesus Is The Answer

So those of you with awakened brains might say, “ I already know that Jesus is the Answer….whatever the question, but I’ve struggled with negative thoughts, body shaming, body disgust and hatred most of my life, just exactly how is Jesus the Answer?” 

To help a person get their mind right and have peace and happiness about their body, simply add the words of God or the scriptures to traditional cognitive behavior therapy that tell us about our worth.  Let me show you how powerful this is:

Remember my experience with Slim Fast and WW and Fitness Pal and I felt like such a career chubby and a failure?  In analyzing this story you can really tell that I needed to change my thinking. Telling myself so often that I’m a failure was very negative. I know I’m a counselor and I know I needed to stop this destructive practice and take my own advice  but the thin ideal and the pervasive body shaming that goes with it made me helpless to fix it. 

What I needed was to therapize myself with cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). CBT is the best of psychology. It’s been proven successful in hundreds of studies, especially in conjunction with therapy and medication. However, CBT isn’t the best of psychology, if you can’t even remember what CBT stands for. Then it’s just the worst of psychology because then I am confusing you with psychobabble. Let’s try calling it something more user-friendly. 

I call it the three W’s: Worries, Wisdom and Worth. You ask yourself just three questions and you write or type the answers just as they come out.  I like to put mine on a table with three columns  in my journal.  On the left is: 

Worries: What are my painful thoughts about this problem? What is my  anxiety and grief?
 

That I’m a failure, a loser, unsuccessful at healthy eating and weight loss.  That I’m a career chubby.  |

OK, now in the middle of the table goes the word “Wisdom:

Worries: What are my painful thoughts about this problem? What is my  anxiety and grief?
Wisdom: What are logical, healthy thoughts?  |
That I’m a failure, a loser, unsuccessful at healthy eating and weight loss.  That I’m a career chubby.
 | I am really strong at exercising at least four times a week. I’ve had that habit for many years. So it’s just not logical to say the word “failure.” Calling myself a failure is black or white thinking, all or nothing thinking. I eat one potato chip or have one bad day, and I’m a failure?  No! I’m 20 pounds over my goal weight so that makes me a total failure? That’s just not logical.  I need to give myself credit for all the exercise, all the good I do and the  efforts I make.

And in the third column I write the word “Word.”  Words of God.  A God who loves you so much, he suffered and died for you.  What would he say about this problem?

Worries and Wounds: What are my painful thoughts about this problem? What is my  anxiety and grief?
 |Wisdom: What are logical, healthy thoughts?  | Worth
That I’m a failure, a loser, unsuccessful at healthy eating and weight loss.  That I’m a career chubby.
 |I am really strong at exercising at least four times a week. I’ve had that habit for many years. So it’s just not logical to say the word “failure.” Calling myself a failure is black or white thinking, all or nothing thinking. I eat one potato chip or have one bad day, and I’m a failure?  No! I’m 20 pounds over my goal weight so that makes me a total failure? That’s just not logical.  I need to give myself credit for all the exercise, all the good I do and the  efforts I make.
 |The scriptures are clear.  I am of great worth (D&C 18:10)  in the sight of God. The Lord doesn’t say the worth of women who are skinny or men who are muscular or those who are attractive or who volunteer positions of responsibility in the church are great in the sight of God.  The worth of every soul, my soul from media queen's  down to very humble grannies in Asia who might think instagram is some kind of instant graham cracker is great in the sight of God.  The best proof I have of this in the next verse, So great was the worth of every soul, that God was willing to suffer and die to bring each one home. And, again, not just the beautiful and those who have a gazillion followers.
God is good.  Jesus Christ went about doing good.  I try every day to do good things for my health and my body.  I’ve picked just 1 goal, just one inspired goal to focus on and this week it’s intermittent fasting and my app zero.I can let all the other worries go..When I do good things and I focus on good things, I can love my beautiful soul.Today I helped someone at work.Today I got all the laundry folded and put away. Today I exercised and listened to a come follow me podcast about the Acts of the Apostles   Today I sent a birthday card with a joke in it.  The joke was especially good and will cheer up cookie loving friends.  What does one intergalactic cook say to another intergalactic cookie?  Beam me up Biscotti. 

That third part, about my great worth, is my favorite part and the best of spirituality. It’s really powerful to think of what God would say to personally encourage me. And, it helps me focus on the good stuff.

When a person is depressed it’s hard to imagine words of love and worth from anyone, let alone words of love from God. Sometimes it’s easier to start with “What would someone who loves me say?”  This WWW is a skill that takes a lot of practice and hard work.  Think of the sheer number of self-objectifying, hateful negative thoughts you’ve had in your lifetime.   It takes a while to learn to replace them.  Why would you do this?  I’m going to share a profound truth here.  I hope you are listening.

1. If you can replace your body shaming negative thoughts with healthy ones, you can replace the war inside your mind with peace and happiness and…. love yourself.

2. If you can love yourself you can love others.

3. If you can love others, you can love God. 

While you were listening today about changing your thoughts, did you get a prompting to try it?  Don’t let the prompting get away. God gave us smartphones for a reason. Quick, dictate a note to yourself or pull out your journal.  

I hope this is something you start doing on your own with your journal, making your three columns of Worries, Wisdom and Worth.  Remember it took you years to develop your negative beliefs about your body and it will take a long time and practice, practice practice to rethink and replace them.   I hope for those of you who need more help with this body obsession, you will find a counselor.  Not just any counselor.   Mosiah 23: 14 talks about if you want a teacher or minister to find someone who walks  in his ways and keeps his commandments, a man or woman of God.  You want someone who has a spiritually awakened brain, knows the scriptures well enough to use them in session and is a humble follower of the Savior Jesus Christ.   To adapt an old saying here: Wise parents once observed: they would rather trust their sheep to the care of a wolf, than their children to a therapist who did not follow the Lord.

And a third option is to go to  drtracyhappinessladder.com where you can listen to my podcasts and eventually take an online course on body obsession vs loving your beautiful soul.  There you’ll hear more stories of my clients who’ve been successful getting their minds right using this Worries, Wisdom and Worth.  And you can  practice, practice, practice.

I hope you have enjoyed How to stop obsessing about your body and find your beautiful soul part 1. And if you know someone who this podcast could help, please share. 

I’d like to end with words from my favorite song, He Sent His Son. “ live like His Son, help others on their way.” (Gabbott, M.J. He Sent His Son.” Children’s Songbook 34)