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Did you know there are six strengths that happy people have in common? And to be happier, all you have to do is take one tiny step in any one of those six areas. After 25 years as a licensed counselor, and after creating her own path through depression and anxiety herself, Dr. Tracy Hogan is now available to help YOU find success as you repair and climb your own Happiness Ladder.

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Gratitude Attitude Beatitudes: How to Increase Gratitude Part 2

December 07, 2023 • Tracy McMillan Hogan • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Have you ever wondered how to use the scriptures more effectively when you are discouraged or depressed, or how to help someone you love to use them? In this episode we'll cover how to use "Look to Me in Every Thought, Doubt Not, Fear Not" to help someone you love.
Additionally, have you ever been around someone who was great at helping everyone around them feel thankful and grateful? We'll cover Gratitude Attitude Beatitude #4, Blessed are they who help others increase their gratitude.

Gratitude Attitude Beatitudes Part 2

In Episode 1 we talked about

#1 Blessed are they who increase gratitude in their prayers

.#2 Blessed are they who give God the glory for their growth.

In 2023 as a therapist who specializes in depression and anxiety, I started to realize that the counseling world doesn’t really understand how to use the word of God to help stressed and depressed people to feel calmness, peace and joy. So, today we’re going to discuss a strategy I use. This has been totally given to me one little inspiration at a time. It uses scriptures with traditional cognitive behavior therapy to increase a person’s gratitude and make them feel calm and happier

I had a client I’ll call Granger. In high school he was outgoing and funny and had a good group of friends. He took state in wrestling. He went on some dates with young women who had great personalities. However, he had some periods of over-the-top excitement and grand thinking and frenetic progress on key goals. Then his mind would spin, and he would have trouble sleeping. He didn’t know it at the time, but his family genetics contained genes for bi-polar disorder. After those highs, he would have debilitating depression where he couldn’t do anything but sleep for days.

But in college, it was so much worse. Without the help of his parents making him stick to his schedule, ie, go to class, wrestling practice, and work, he got so depressed he slept most the day and he lost his scholarship. Then he got more depressed, with suicidal thoughts and had to withdraw from college and move back home to Florida. The antidepressant Prozac(™) didn't seem to work at all.

His desperate parents brought him in for a family session and wanted to know how to rescue their son. They were so frustrated with how he criticized everyone in the family, and how he was so angry. They asked, “What can we do to get our son back? Are there different kinds of depression?”

We discussed how depression is a little like cookies, there are different kinds and each has its own recipe. To get an idea on the composition of Granger’s depression. I had Granger rate his current level of functioning in the six strengths of happiness. This is 1-10 with 10 high.

Health – Granger gave himself a 2 because he had stopped lifting weights and running, he wasn’t eating or sleeping well.

God – Granger gave himself a 4 because since high school ended he had felt much more distant from God. He had difficulty reading his scriptures, saying prayers, and going to church was miserable. He said he felt guilty for all his terrible choices.

Gratitude and Positive Attitude – Granger gave himself a 2 because he was plagued by negative thoughts. He tried to think more positively but couldn’t control his self criticism.

Growth – Granger gave himself a 0 because he had dropped out of college and wrestling and screwed up all his big plans.

Connection --Granger said that he used to feel that connection with his friends was an 8. But now he wondered why they would want to hang out with him. He was so down and had difficulty being interested in anyone else, and it was a 2.

Charity – Granger said a 0. He hurt so much it was impossible to think about helping others.

Then I asked the million dollar question: “Granger where do you feel inspired, impressed to move your score up just one point?”

Granger responded that he wished he could control his negative thinking and feel close to God again.

I asked him to read this scripture and insert his name. It is the quintessential cognitive behavior therapy scripture, the foundation for helping you to change your doubts, fears, and negative thinking into peace and happiness.

“34 Therefore, fear not, Granger; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

“36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

“37 Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven.”(D&C 6:34, 36,37 italics added)

“What does that mean to you to ‘Look unto me in every thought and fear not?’”

He said she wasn’t sure how to do that.

“So does it sound like what God is asking you to do is to move from your doubts and fears and look to Him? We can do that with three columns in your journal. Let’s write down your doubts, worries, loss, and grief in this first column on the left.”

Look to Him in Every Thought

Loss and Grief | Logic and Gratitude | Love and God

All my friends are in college. I’m so jealous and angry that I can’t be there.I’m alone and I am too depressed to do anything. I’m such a failure.I can’t feel God loves me, I’m not sure if he’s really there.I’d be better off dead. | |

“Let’s just acknowledge that those are some miserable, painful doubts and fears, and you must feel like this anguish has lasted for such a long time. And do you think maybe part of your depression is that you are grieving for the many losses in your life?”

He said, “Yes, and sometimes I’m just so angry and other times I feel so tired and numb.”

“To make the next step we have to have some logical thoughts of wisdom?”

And we wrote these things under logic and gratitude. I told Granger that we used to have research that showed about 3 out of every 10 women and 1 out of every 10 men will have at least one episode of depression in their life. But then researchers started noticing how men display a lot more anger and much of the time that anger is really depression. So, about ⅓ of men are affected. He wrote in the middle column:

“How about love? Someone who loves me would say, ‘If you get good behaviors going on in your mental, spiritual, emotional, physical like you did in high school, you’ll get better! At least back to where you were, and perhaps with medicine, even better. You’ve done it before, you can do it again!’”

I said, “Wow, that’s powerful. Now if you look to Him, what words of God, what scriptures can you think of here that apply? What would God say?”

We wrote this in the Love and God column. Jesus Christ might say, “I love you.”

I said, “That’s so true, but I think we can go a little deeper, elaborate on that.” I just heard this from a little video clip on the churchofjesuschrist.org website and I wrote, Jesus might say,

Loss and Grief | Logic and Gratitude | Love and God

All my friends are on two-year missions for our church or in college.I’m alone and I am too depressed to do anything. I’m such a failure.I can’t feel God, I’m not sure if I want to go on a mission any more.I’d be better off dead. | ⅓ of all men and women will have at least one episode of depression in their lives. It’s the common cold of mental illness. Mine is happening early in my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m alone. 33% of people will get depressed.I’m not a failure because I’m going to counseling, I’m getting out of bed, I’m showering and eating and keeping myself alive. These are a big deal, big accomplishments for many depressed people.I’t common to have difficulty feeling the spirit the more depressed a person gets. When I start feeling better, I’ll start feeling the spirit again. In High School I had structure: Mental: I had a busy class/homework scheduleSocial: I made plans with friends, church activitiesPhysical: I had weight lifting for fitnessSpiritual: I had seminary and sacrament meeting and I felt close to GodEmotional: I thought positive thoughts.
I wouldn’t be better off dead. This is my test, I have to pass this test, not drop out.Grateful for my familyGrateful for my friends (1 on a mission who texts me and one who calls me to hang out).Grateful I don’t have cancer. I have a healthy body. | Someone who loves me would say, “If you get similar good things going on in your mental, spiritual, emotional, physical that you did in high school, you’ll get better! At least back to where you were, perhaps with medicine, even better. You’ve done it before, you can do it again!”Jesus might say: “I have perfect empathy, I know how much you suffer, I saw you, I suffered for your afflictions in the Garden of Gethsemane.” Heavenly Father might say, “My plan for you is bigger than anything you can imagine for yourself. A life of joy, happiness, love, and service. ‘man is that he might have joy.’” (2 Nephi 2:25)“You are good enough, you are loved, but that does not mean that you are complete. There is work to be done. I can help you become like me.” “You must take the first step. Have faith, with me nothing is impossible.” (Matt 19:26)

“What do you feel impressed to do to take that first step?”

He was quiet for a long moment. “I need to work on changing my negative thinking. I’ve got to get rid of the thought that I’d be better off dead.”

“Yes, that’s right,” I said. “It’s like you are stuck. If you don’t control your emotions, you will become a slave to them. By looking to Him, and being the boss of your feelings you are breaking free of that prison.”

He said, “I’ve also got to lose the thought that I drag my friends down and they don’t really want to hang out with me.”

I said, “It’s rough to get the courage to hang out with friends if you think you are a burden to them. I’m going to play you an old Saturday Night Live(™) video called ‘Debbie Downer’ on YouTube. I just want you to tell me if you are a Debbie Downer.”

In the skit several characters are bubbling with excitement at Disneyland.

“Oh, I love the space mountain ride! Oh, I love the Disney characters”

Pluto walks by and Debbie gets a hug from Pluto, and of all the possible happy grateful things she could say, she says, “The biggest drawback to working at a theme park is living under the constant fear of deadly terrorist attacks.” Then a “whuuh whuuuuh” sound.

Then Debbie Downer says, “Oh and dying of heat stroke in that costume.” “Whuh Whuuuuh”

The friends slide away, even Pluto gets sad and walks off.

Granger laughed for the first time that day. We discussed that he was not that bad and how Debbie’s gloomy statements made everyone feel discouraged from listening to her. Granger said he felt like he was dragging his friends and family down all the time.

I said, “Right! But be realistic and logical with me, be factual with me. Remember facts over feelings, once a friend talks you into going out with them and you get out of bed and go, what happens?”

“I start to feel better and back to my old self.”

“So being active helps you get back to your old self. Like from 1-10 with 10 high, how good can you get feeling when you go out with a friend?”

“Oh, I go from a 4 to a 6. Sometimes I even get up to an 8.”

“Good. And also, what I noticed is that most people have a part of them that is negative, but they control it. Perhaps part of starting to control that part for you is naming him. Instead of Debbie Downer, how about Glum Granger?”

He chose the name of Grimwald for his negative self. And we discussed that if Grimwald had something negative to say when out with friends, Granger could have control and keep Grimwald an inside voice.

We discussed how “Look to Him in Every Thought” wasn’t just a one-and-done exercise. To truly tame his emotions, he had to catch his inner critic and apply logic and gratitude and logic and the word of God to his negative thoughts every time this happened. Letting his thoughts run unchecked, letting Grimwald steer the ship was ruining his relationships, limiting his abilities, stunting his success, and sucking the joy out of life.

We did the “Look to Him” in a few more sessions and then he took a homework assignment to do the exercise every time he had an episode of negative thinking. I asked him to bring the homework to the session.

As the months wore on we discovered that Granger was an extremely lucky young man. His mother was the “Just Serve Coordinator" for their church area. That means she got him out of bed no matter how depressed he felt and dragged him along to volunteer with her almost every day. For instance, on Mondays he was a bingo caller at a memory care facility. On Tuesdays and Fridays he prepared food boxes and loaded them in vehicles for struggling families. On Wednesdays he joined with Helping Hand and collected items for the Syrian & Palestinian Refugees who had fled to Jordan. His Charity score went up to a 9.

He was able to do a genetic test that told which antidepressant and mood stabilizer was best for him. As the months wore on, we discovered Granger was an extremely lucky young man again. His father had been an athletic coach. He got Granger to recharge his cell phone in the kitchen pantry after 10 at night. Without social media, Granger started sleeping at night. He got Granger to run with him very early in the mornings. He got Granger on a whole food plant based diet. At first Granger thought there would be no life without pizza and burgers. He made one change, one step at a time in all these areas. Granger was able to cut way back, half the dosage on both his antidepressant and his mood stabilizer.

And After seven months in weekly counseling, Granger was proficient at “Look to Him in every thought,” and he broke free from his negative thoughts and fears. His beliefs changed then his actions changed. He was able to manage his anger and depression.

In his relationship with God, with all these other good things going on, he was able to get traction in his prayers and scripture study. After a year, he was able to achieve his ultimate goal and go on a mission for his church.

Granger will always have to battle this demon of depression he calls Grimwald. He will always have to carefully monitor and adjust his thoughts and actions in six areas of happiness. But it all started with changing his thoughts…..so, number three is:

#3 Blessed are they who Look to Him in Every thought and moving onto the next one, number four is:

#4 Blessed are they who help others increase their gratitude.

Think back to people in your life who have been a light of gratitude who taught you how to be more thankful. Think about Granger’s mom dragging him to all those service projects. I remember my mother was a shy woman, she didn’t know what to say to open a conversation. She didn’t know how to get closer to people. She wanted to bond with us and also share her testimony of Jesus Christ. So, she’d often start a conversation with us, “What are you thankful for today?”

That’s such a great question. And it works.

My husband and I tried to incorporate that light into our child-rearing practices to bond with our kids. At night when we were tucking them into bed, we’d first ask, “What were you worried about today?” And then to end the day on a positive note, “What were you thankful for or excited about today?”

Once when I was babysitting my four grandchildren, I was saying goodnight to each one and I was very pleased to see my daughter had improved upon our idea and placed a notebook and pen beside each of their beds. The parent was supposed to write the date and then a few words for the worries or sad things and the gratitude or happy things of the day. This helped the child keep a gratitude journal. What an incredible way to give appropriate attention to your child, help them feel listened to and loved, and help them go to sleep feeling blessed.

As a marriage therapist I assign all couples to do “couple time” at night when their children are in their own bedrooms, and they have time to talk alone. Instead of watching a screen, the first spouse asks, “What were you worried about today?” and then summarizes to give emotional support and then asks three follow-up questions to show interest. Then the second spouse asks the same question. Then they ask each other, “What were you grateful for or excited about today?” and three follow-up questions. Even if the worry for the wife is something the husband is doing wrong, arguing is not allowed, just listening and summarizing.

I’ve seen couples whose marriage was a trainwreck, sometimes even considering divorce, start to repair their marriage and feel loved again by shining this light of gratitude and giving emotional support in couple time.

Thomas S. Monson shared a story about Gordon Green called “The Thanksgiving I won’t forget”. Gordon grew up on a farm more than 80 years ago. His father wanted the children to understand how blessed they were. So, on Thanksgiving morning, they walked around the farm and took inventory of their cows, pigs, chickens, turkeys and geese. They carefully counted their harvest of their barrels of apples and mountains of potatoes and their hay. Then the family sat down to a beautiful meal of the produce from their fields. After all that counting they realized how blessed they were.

That was the last good year. The next year, heavy rains destroyed their crops, except for a few hardy turnips that managed to survive the deluge. I don’t know if you’ve experienced turnips. There’s a reason Denny’s doesn’t serve them. “Bitter Veggies are better” is not a slogan that would work in their advertisements. The family had to sell their livestock in order to have anything to eat. So did all the neighbors, making the prices they got for their animals pitifully low. Without a crop, farmers were starving. One of the only good things about that year was that the family was finally able to afford to connect to the electric line that ran close to their property, and brilliant light bulbs illuminated their rooms.

Gordon’s mother wanted to cancel Thanksgiving, there wasn't even a goose to cook. Gordon’s father went out hunting and managed to shoot a jackrabbit. Discouraged mother cooked the tough meat for a long time. She served it with some turnips, but the children stared at the meager meal and refused to eat. Mother started to cry.

But then Gordon’s father, who was a master of helping others see their blessings in any circumstance, asked the family to turn off their electric lights.

“He went to the attic and brought a kerosene lamp to the table. The family was amazed at how dark the house was without electricity. They were shocked to think of their previous life. They blessed their food and ate quietly in remembrance and gratitude.”

Wrote Gordon: “In the humble dimness of the old lamp we were beginning to see clearly again…It [was] a lovely meal. The jack rabbit tasted like turkey and the turnips were the mildest we could recall… [Our] home …, for all its want, was so rich [to] us.”(Green, G. Nov. 1956, The Reader’s Digest, The Thanksgiving I Don’t Forget, p.69).

I love this beautiful story because that idea to retrieve the oil lamp was probably an inspiration from God. I admire this father for lighting the way for his family to feel gratitude in their extremely scanty circumstances.

In summary:

#1 Blessed are those who increase gratitude in prayer.

#2 Blessed are those who give God the glory for growth

#3 Blessed are they who Look to Him in Every thought

#4 Blessed are those who light the way for others to see blessings.

If you want to light the way and help someone increase their gratitude, please hit those three dots and then “share episode”.

Until next time: Live like his son, help others on their way.